retreat reflections

i should've written this a week ago, when everything was still fresh in my head. but yet again i have failed. this post may not be very comprehensive but at least it'll be better than nothing. hopefully my convictions will not fade away as fast as my memory does.

anyways, this winter retreat was actually really good for me. going into it, i felt that i had less anticipation than i did for undergrad. i'm not sure why, maybe it was cause i felt i had a lot more going on and was just plain busy, but who knows. nevertheless, i really do feel that God spoke to me in very real ways.

i started listening to francis chan's sermon podcasts for a year or two now and something that i really was challenged by was the way God calls us to give up everything to follow Him. i always just thought that God just wanted us to BE WILLING to give up everything to follow Him. you know, as long as we don't treasure our riches more than we treasure God, then that should be ok right? but no, from what i've read in the Bible this isn't the message Jesus preaches.

"The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it."

nowhere in there do i see "and he was willing to sell all he had to buy the field, but ended up not buying it and investing the money in something else". but somehow i have always had this thought in my heart, that God doesn't call me to give up the riches of this world, but just to let it go "in my heart".

so what does this have to do with the retreat? well, the last night of the retreat i felt that the message really spoke to me. it was exactly what i was feeling, that i needed to fight hard for my relationship with God to combat burnout. and his last point was the we need to learn faith by practicing it, by putting all that we have on the line. this in particular really spoke to me and that night i just had this conviction in my heart that i have to live out this message to "sell all i have" and live for the kingdom of God. i don't know what that means for my future, but what i do know is that i need to leave everything behind and follow Christ.